Point of No Return

Respect the choice made

One thought a week.

That’s all I really need to do this part of my job. Heck, it doesn’t even really need to be a good idea. All a columnist needs is one compelling or odd thought to stake claim in the brain, and we can usually take the ball and run smack dab into the abyss.

My choice to avoid choices

I’m throwing up the white flag. My will to run with the big dogs has decided to curl up for a nap on the porch, and I will no longer attempt to bail water from a sinking boat with a teaspoon. It’s been said that a wise man knows his limitations and, lack of personal wisdom aside, I realize when I’ve met my match.

I will no longer make decisions.

You heard it here first ...again

Through new technology obtained by the Coastal Point, we were able to obtain recordings of the discussions by the International Olympic Committee prior to the final vote that led to the organization’s decision to select London as the site for the 2012 Summer Olympic Games. Individuals’ names have not been revealed to protect the sanctity of the decision-making process.

Life is a constant lesson

Human intelligence is a hard element to quantify.

Moms, this is your day to shine

Mothers everywhere, unite! This is your day.

For 364 days a year you put yourself on the bottom of the priority list. The needs and wants of your offspring inspire immediate response, and the hurts and wounds of your children elicit the nurturing and caring elements that make you who you are. Now, one and all, pat yourselves on the back for all you’ve done.

Yet another look into fingers

Strange things grab a hold of my interest.

Oh, we can all get sidetracked or intrigued by things we wouldn’t be able to explain to another living soul, but some oddities honestly grab hold of my cerebral steering wheel and crash my conscious into a brick wall. You get distracted or go off on tangents because you see a dog making amorous advances towards a mollusk? That’s nothing.

We must appreciate greatness

Gather ‘round, for I have seen greatness.

Welcome to the real world, kid

Patrick James Lehl, this is your life.

Look, I realize you’re barely a month old, but from the moment my little sister exposed you to the world, you were immediately initiated into the land of curious humanity. And, yes, that is indeed a scary prospect.

Sometimes, 'away' is the way

’ve always kind of wanted to see the Outer Banks. There’s the intrigue behind the tales from friends regarding the peaceful tranquility and aesthetic charm of the surroundings, not to mention my general puzzlement over those “OBX” stickers I’ve seen people in this area sport on their cars over the years.

Why would I buy this product?

Be advised. This column could cause shortness of breath, skin rash, sore feet, a runny nose, temporary or permanent loss of the use of your extremities, a second head growing from your spinal cord, the ability to see dead people, your hearing to be replaced by a consistent beeping sound and a near-complete shift in your gender identification.

Beware false noses … really

Mental health professionals often play a little game where they test associative skills by showing a generic photo to a patient and asking him or her the first thing that comes to mind.

Troop, this Bud's for you

A crowded airport. Each traveler and employee of the facility isolated in their own thoughts, fears and tasks; seemingly oblivious to those around them. It is like any other airport or city bus in that the setting is an anonymous conglomeration of individuals devoid of any true sense of community in that particular snapshot in time.

Then ... a single clap.

A sign of the Apocalypse?

There will be an open election in Iraq before ...

Oh.

Fine, that weird guy from In Living Color and that insipid show on WB will be nominated for a Best Actor award before ...

Oh.

The Boston Red Sox will overcome both the hated New York Yankees and 80-plus years of frustration by winning a World Series ...

Oh.

Emergencies everywhere

Water? Check. Toilet paper? Check. Beer commercial twins bikini calendar? Check. Canned goods? Check.

The epic battle continues

It’s McCann versus Technology. Round 85. Humor me, if you will, while I vent.

Last week I called my cellular phone carrier to change my phone number. This would seem a simple enough task since, well, the phone carrier handles exactly that sort of thing as their business. And, to be fair, they are probably very good at that kind of thing.

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