Point of No Return

We must appreciate greatness

Gather ‘round, for I have seen greatness.

Welcome to the real world, kid

Patrick James Lehl, this is your life.

Look, I realize you’re barely a month old, but from the moment my little sister exposed you to the world, you were immediately initiated into the land of curious humanity. And, yes, that is indeed a scary prospect.

Sometimes, 'away' is the way

’ve always kind of wanted to see the Outer Banks. There’s the intrigue behind the tales from friends regarding the peaceful tranquility and aesthetic charm of the surroundings, not to mention my general puzzlement over those “OBX” stickers I’ve seen people in this area sport on their cars over the years.

Why would I buy this product?

Be advised. This column could cause shortness of breath, skin rash, sore feet, a runny nose, temporary or permanent loss of the use of your extremities, a second head growing from your spinal cord, the ability to see dead people, your hearing to be replaced by a consistent beeping sound and a near-complete shift in your gender identification.

Beware false noses … really

Mental health professionals often play a little game where they test associative skills by showing a generic photo to a patient and asking him or her the first thing that comes to mind.

Troop, this Bud's for you

A crowded airport. Each traveler and employee of the facility isolated in their own thoughts, fears and tasks; seemingly oblivious to those around them. It is like any other airport or city bus in that the setting is an anonymous conglomeration of individuals devoid of any true sense of community in that particular snapshot in time.

Then ... a single clap.

A sign of the Apocalypse?

There will be an open election in Iraq before ...

Oh.

Fine, that weird guy from In Living Color and that insipid show on WB will be nominated for a Best Actor award before ...

Oh.

The Boston Red Sox will overcome both the hated New York Yankees and 80-plus years of frustration by winning a World Series ...

Oh.

Emergencies everywhere

Water? Check. Toilet paper? Check. Beer commercial twins bikini calendar? Check. Canned goods? Check.

The epic battle continues

It’s McCann versus Technology. Round 85. Humor me, if you will, while I vent.

Last week I called my cellular phone carrier to change my phone number. This would seem a simple enough task since, well, the phone carrier handles exactly that sort of thing as their business. And, to be fair, they are probably very good at that kind of thing.

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